Just Hold Me
by Eyrir Mal
Summary: "Hold me."  "Is that an order?" Sebastian's deep voice asked, a hint of mocking in the tone.  "No," came the whispered reply, "just hold me for a while."    No slash intended here!


Ciel crinkled his nose in disgust as the room flooded with light. He sighed and flipped the hair out of his eyes, rolling over and pulling his legs out from under the covers.

"Good morning, young master."

Ciel looked up into the familiar angular face. Such a normal face. "Good morning."

"It is your parents anniversary today."

Ciel's heart thumped painfully against his ribs as he looked up at Sebastian. "Why?"

Sebastian's face feigned hurt surprise. "What ever could you mean, master?"

Ciel warred with the righteous anger that roiled in his chest. "Why would you bring that up?"

Sebastian smiled pleasantly. "Should I not?"

Sebastian reached forward to fasten Ciel's eye patch and the boy slapped his hands away. "I'll do it myself."

Sebastian crossed his arms gracefully over his chest, head listing to side ever so slightly. "I thought you might like to pay your respects, young master."

Ciel glanced up at the tall demon, searching his face for any sign of mockery, but there was nothing except honest sincerity. The boy shed his night shirt and sat in thoughtful silence as Sebastian moved around him, readying him for the day.

"No," Ciel finally said, "I have far too much to do."

"Very good, young master."

Ciel watch Sebastian's retreating back with mild surprise. If he didn't know any better, Ciel would almost say that there had been more than a little disapproval in the butler's voice.

He did his best during the day to keep busy, keeping all thoughts of his parents from his mind. There was no reasoning to dwelling on the past. He was a true orphan now and there was no one to claim him as their own. No parents, no family of any kind. He glanced at Sebastian and his thoughts hiccupped, a strange guilt creeping over him.

Ridiculous, he thought. He cares nothing for me... The next part comes slower, forced from his mind, Nor I for him. He is a servant, nothing more. A tool to be used in my perfect plan. And I am just a contract.

Sometimes it was hard for Ciel to accept. There was so little of his past to hold on to. It was one of the reasons he disliked seeing Lady Elizabeth. She reminded him too much of before. He had been forced to grow up so early. Such an old soul thrust into such youth. It was hard to handle sometime.

Ciel sat at his work desk, Funtom accounting papers spread like cast-off feathers at his finger tips. He buried his head in his hands, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. One single sob escaped his lips, but it was quickly silenced.

"Sebastian..."

"Young master," came the soft answer.

"I wish to retire."

"Of course, master. After we return."

It takes a moment for Ciel to think past that. "What do you mean?"

Sebastian smiled pleasantly. "Follow me, if you will, young master."

Curiosity burning through him, Ciel hopped off the chair and followed close on his butler's heels. The carriage was readied outside and the horses snorted impatiently. Sebastian opened the door and helped Ciel up the stairs before climbing in and sitting across from him. He tapped the roof of the carriage and the vehicle slowly moved forward.

"Where are we going, Sebastian?"

Sebastian's grin widened. "All in good time."

The moon had risen by the time the carriage stopped, gently swinging on the leather shocks. Ciel climbed gingerly down the steps, one hand firmly grasping Sebastian's fingers. His eyes struggled to make sense of the dark shapes around him and then the moon broke through the clouds. The tall, arched stones stretched out before him, simple memorials of lives long since forgotten. He took a quick breath to steady himself and his feet moved of their own accord, sweeping him on through the night. His body knew the way by heart, even if his mind refused to remember, and he was carried ever deeper into the silent graveyard. Withered flowers rested on every side, silent witnesses to how eternal love could be.

His feet stilled and Ciel fought with himself as the familiar names marched through his thoughts. Part of him wanted to flee; this was madness, showing weakness like this. The other part of him wanted to close his eyes and wake up in his bed, knowing that it was all just a bad dream.

"It's not fair." he whispered, hands clenching into fist at his sides.

His sank down slowly, legs folding neatly underneath him. The cold stone bit into the soft skin of his knees grounding him in the reality of it all. Before he could help it, a single tear gathered in his eye and slipped down his cheek, staining his skin dark in the moonlight.

"My lord."

Ciel looked up to see Sebastian's thin form, blurred by the night, one hand extended, holding two perfect roses, one pink, one red. Numbly Ciel took the flowers, heedless of the thorns that scratched his fingers. The roses fell unceremoniously from his stiff fingers, to fall tangled and intertwined between the double arched marble headstone.

"I want to go home now." Ciel whispered, his young voice lost among the silence of the dead.

"Very well, young master."

Ciel raised his hand for Sebastian to take and allowed himself to be led back to the carriage. The ride back seemed shorter than it should have been, but Ciel felt exhaustion taking over his body. The carriage stopped outside the mansion and the young Lord Phantomhive stumbled to the ground, barely keeping his feet. Without a word, Sebastian swept him up in his arms and carried the boy to his chambers.

"I am sorry for my impertinence, my lord," Sebastian said softly as he gently held his master. "I should not have been so presumptuous."

Ciel thought on that for a moment and was surprised that he felt no anger toward his butler. This was not the first time his butler had stepped far beyond the bounds of proper conduct by carrying him, and normally he would have responded angrily, and yet... and yet... Ciel found only a calm indifference that bordered dangerously close to contentment.

"Thank you," he murmured.

Sebastian set Ciel down on the edge of the bed before turning to gather the young lord's night clothes. When the boy made no move to remove his coat Sebastian reached to do it for him only to have Ciel pull back out of reach.

"My lord?"

His young face trembled before the onslaught of his emotions. "Sebastian..."

"Yes, young master?"

Ciel lunged forward, stumbling in his haste, hands reaching out for his butler. His small arms wrapped tightly about the tapered waist, holding with a death grip.

"Hold me."

"Is that an order?" the deep voice asked, a hint of mocking in the tone.

"No," came the whispered reply. "Just hold me for a while."

Sebastian stood frozen for a moment, his shock overwhelming him. After a minute he wrapped his arms around the young boy and knelt down to be level with him. Ciel rested his cheek on Sebastian's shoulder, warm tears dampening the Sicilienne wool. Sebastian gently disentangled himself from the thin arms and quickly changed his clothing, drying his tears in the process. He picked up the young lord and set him on the bed, pulling the bedclothes over the small frame. The boy snuggled down into the pillows, eyes closing, and was sleeping before Sebastian could blink. Quietly he picked up the candelabra and backed out of the room, pausing as he closed the door.

"Rest, young master. I will see you in the morning."

Ciel's sleep muddled voice drifted slowly into the hallway. "Good night, father."

A pain like a knife blade pieced the demon's heart and his fingers clenched around the door knob. The unexpected power and intensity of that pain threatened to drive him to his knees. How could this have happened? He was a demon of the highest order with power at his fingertips that was rivaled only by the forces of darkness that he served. His soul was corrupt, blackened by the blood of countless lives that he, himself had taken. How could this mortal child undo his resolve with such simple, mindless words? How? How...

Of course the answer was simple. He did not want this vibrant soul's life to end so cruelly soon. He wanted to see Ciel grow and change. Wanted to see him learn smile again. He wanted to be there when Ciel laughed again for the first time.

Nearly every night Sebastian asked the same question of young Lord Phantomhive. "Do you wish to break the contract then?"

And every time it was the same answer. "No. Our contract stands as it always has."

Sebastian would smile then, a thin lipped, malicious grin, and some pent up tightness in his chest would loosen slightly, his breath coming easier.

He grinned that same grin now, his fingers releasing the now crushed doorknob. "Perhaps my heart is not as dead as I thought."


End file.
